Change of Class/This is Your Life

So I’ve been Facebook stalking, as I usually do in my last class of the day, and have been noticing something: Campus ministries are CHANGING! Who are these young people taking over? Who are these new faces? I feel like I am watching Saved By The Bell: The New Class or the new Degrassi, same plot lines and settings, but different players. I want to put a little note out there: I am not bitter. I think it’s super awesome that ministries are having new blood. This is merely commentary on it. Anywho, I will continue.

I feel like one of those old guys finally. Yes the ones who say. “all those kids, man who are they” or “Back in my day…”I am highly aware that my day is still around until May 5^th but, still this is all so weird. I feel like I am tied to several generations of campus ministries. I am part of those who precede me, my peers, and those who will continue the legacy as I live campus. This is WAY too weird. I wish I knew how to explain the feeling more I guess.

From this I want to talk to two groups.

First, the seniors. We have had some good times together. We have seen God work in many miraculous ways, and we have learnt patience through the time that God was preparing the harvest. We have left an impact on the college community. Don’t forget that! I know we have had trials, victories and everything in between. I guess one thing I want us to take home from that is: we made a difference. Let’s take everything we learned into the next stage of our life.

To those who remain: this is your time! Don’t take it for granted! Know that trials will come, if they haven’t come already, but be faithful through them and know God is always there, protecting you. Make sure to not give up, be humble and courageous. You are entrusted with a precious jewel. There have been ones who have come before you who have persevered for their love for God AND a future for you!

Tru Meaning

I wrote the following for an English class. Hopefully it means I will start blogging again. Comment please ;-)

I want to start off that I do like this song by miss Avril Lavigne. I am not an Avril hater. But I do think the words are quite ridiculous. Let's take a journey into the mind of one of the most "I hate pretty girls" anthems of all time.

“He was a boy

She was a girl

Can I make it anymore obvious?

He was a punk.

And she did ballet.

What more can I say?”

(Ok let's take the time to comment on these first few lines. I am glad that you pointed out this is a heterosexual relationship. That creates a better visualization for the rest of the song. To answer your question, I think you probably could make it more obvious. How old were such pair? Did they have attraction for each other? I guess we will have to wait and see. We also get to see what group these conflicting parties are a part of. One is “a punk” and another did ballet. That apparently left the songwriter speechless. I personally think like the other rhetorical question she actually could elaborate. I won’t give her the dignity of saying what else she could say, I am not put on as a co writer and therefore am not getting paid for this constructive advice.)

“He wanted her.
She'd never tell.
Secretly she wanted him as well.
And all of her friends
Stuck up their nose.
And they had a problem with his baggy clothes.”

(Oh the plot thickens. These two adolescents are infatuated with each other. But oh no! A Shakespearean plight for the ages. Her friends hate his baggy clothes! What is a sk8er boi to do! Let’s see where our hero goes next)

“He was a sk8er boi she said see ya later boi.
He wasn't good enough for her.
She had a pretty face but her head was up in space.
She needed to come back down to earth.”

(Hmm what rhymes with boy…difficult, difficult. Oh yes! BOY! I am glad those years of elementary school taught you oh so much Avril. This superficial girl had a pretty face but alas she was stuck up because she wouldn’t date the baggy clothes punk boy. You know did you ever consider it was more than her friends that held her back. She might have been thinking of financial security.)

“Five years from now she sits at home feeding the baby she's all alone.
She turns on TV and guess who she sees.
Sk8er boi rocking up MTV.
She calls up her friends.
They already know
And they've all got tickets to see his show.

She tags along, stands in the crowd. Looks up at the man that she turned down.”

(Oh the time old story of the pretty girl who ran into a relationship after high school and became pregnant. But I guess she doesn’t get to see the tv that much because I doubt this is our hero’s first time on MTV since he already is on tour. And hey, this baggy clothes sk8ing punk also knows how to rock out. Multi-talented young man. She really was not seeing the opportunity in front of her. Her fickle friends all change their mind about him and decide to see him in concert. That is strange since they didn't like his style it seems unlikely that his taste in music would be great to them. But maybe these 5 years have matured them all. This part really teaches us all a valuable lesson. You never know if that baggy sk8ing boy will end up become rich and famous and if you might want him in the end. I am not sure if this is progression in superficiality but at least she could be interviewed by Carson Daily)

“He was a sk8er boi she said see ya later boi. He wasn't good enough for her.
Now he's a superstar slammin on his guitar to show pretty face what he's worth.”

(Hmm, I really don’t want to comment on this section. Let’s just say I am still glad that boy rhymes with boy otherwise avril would be at a lost.)

“Sorry girl but you missed out. Well tough luck that boi's mine now. We are more than just good friends. This is how the story ends. Too bad that you couldn't see the man that boi could be. There is more than meets the eye, I see the soul that is inside.”

(Oh no! Avril is now directing the song at the superficial girl. I’m not sure if Avril is realizing what she is doing. First she tears the girl down for passing up the boy but it gave her the chance to date him. This girl did her a favor. Open your eyes Avril, open them WIDE! And a little note, being more then just good friends does not end a story, it merely begins one. However, we get to see the depth of Avril’s maturity by seeing how she sees the real man inside the sk8er boi. Oh so many life lessons in one little song. Thank you for that Avril.)

“He's just a boi, and I'm just a girl.
Can I make it anymore obvious?
We are in love.
Haven't you heard how we rock eachother's world?”

(Good! No one needs to know)

“I met the sk8er boi I said see ya later boi.
I'll be backstage after the show.
I'll be at the studio singing the song he wrote about a girl he use to know.
I met the sk8er boi I said see ya later boi.
I'll be backstage after the show.
I'll be at the studio singing the song he wrote about a girl he use to know.”

(I think Ms. Lavign is alluding to the fact that this song was written about the girl this Boy use to know. I am not positive though. Oh, thank you, she repeats it twice so I can be positive. How kind. But it seems like the vengeful new girl, Avril herself, wrote it herself. If I took any lesson home from reading this song is that girlfriends of sk8er boi’s are sore winners.)

Love God and Obey His Commands

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

For awhile this scripture baffled me. I’m not saying it doesn’t make sense, I just didn't know how to put it into action. I would think, “How is that possible when these thoughts feel so real”? I guess I should probably define what the thoughts are. It’s any thought that doesn’t glorify Christ. It can range from purity to negative thinking, selfish thoughts or just critical thinking. For a while I just let these thoughts rule my mind. I wouldn’t come out my sad coma because it seemed so real to me. But recently I thought about the verse above and also this one: “If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.” John 15:10.

If I wanted to love God and Christ I needed to obey his commands. That's all his commands including making every thought obedient to Christ. So I just decided two weeks ago to do that. It was hard and I didn’t want to but I wanted to love God. I tried controlling my insecurities, my thoughts of isolation or anything that would not glorify God. It was hard but I went a whole afternoon with saying no to those thoughts. After that I realized something: I said no for God. I didn't say no for myself or others but for God. This really encouraged me. The rest of the week I could see that the little strength I started with multiplied because I was obeying God’s commands.

Since then it’s been difficult. It hasn’t been easy obeying and saying no to thoughts that seem so daunting and real to me. But I have seen God’s strength through all of this. I wrote this blog to first glorify God for the ways he continues to change my life. I second wrote it to inspire others, the readers, to do the same. Make every thought captive. And if this is not the area that you struggle with then look at what commands of God you are bending to fit your own needs and stop bending them. To God be the glory, forever and always.

Friend...You Know Why

A friend. A good friend. I haven’t had that many people in my life I’ve truly felt close to and comfortable around. Especially guys. For some reason it seems like I can not relate on certain levels. I can remember the first good guy friend I’ve made that has stuck with me since the date of encounter. I met Tim Jacobs in August of 2007. I wasn’t sure of what to think of him at first. We got to talking and I realized we had music in common. Kind of cool since most people think my music reminds them of what death will feel like. That first week of school our relationship became deeper. I saw from his example what a disciple should be. Sharing and giving your heart to the lost. We spent two straight weeks together from about 9-9 and I never got sick of him or vice versa. Big step in the art of friendship for me. To be that close that fast to a disciple was, well, it taught me how to model the rest of my friendships.

Tim and I have probably spent less time together then all of my friends that I’ve made since I’ve moved to Boulder. However, he is still one of my closest. He is one of the best guys I know and I have some of the best time with him. We have shared common struggles and I respect so much of how he persevered, and continues to persevere through them.

Like I said before, I don’t have many people in my life that I feel naturally close to and comfortable around. Tim is one of the select few I actually do. He was the first real disciple friend I ever formed a deep relationship with. I am grateful for his friendship and can’t wait to see how God will further our bond in years to come.

A Cry of Oppression!

Lately, actually since I’ve come to the fair city of Boulder, I have been thinking and pondering about a particular issue. I believe I have finally arrived to a conclusion: I HATE the Disney Vault. What is your problem Disney execs? Why won’t you let me buy any of your wonderful classics anytime I choose? It isn’t like you don’t have the means. If I can buy all Air Buds and Air Buddies I believe the Little Mermaid and Aladdin should be mine to grasp. You all should be ashamed of yourselves (I know none of you are reading this but whatever I need to vent). Why do you ruin people’s childhoods/adulthoods by doing this? My little sisters and little brother have no way of buying the classics unless your judgment deems it so. I was lucky enough as a young lad to not have this demon around. There was no vault. Disney movies roamed free. You money-hungry vermins. I wish I could be reed of you but I must obey your laws since you hold the power to singing and laughter. Just know one thing you creatures of the night: We (the general public) will not stand for this much longer. Disney will soon obey the same laws that all studios must follow. I will not be silenced!

Reasons Why Colorado Is Not A Horrible Place

Ok so I admit, Colorado and I aren’t BFFLs. In fact I think the culture here is filled with people who think that their way of life is far superior to everyone else’s way of life. “Oh we have thee beautiful mountains, the great outdoors, nice people, unlike those LA snobs. You can hunt those innocent animals for fun, live off granola and have so much space and lay back living. What else would you need?” Hmm, Civilization. But this isn’t hate on Colorado time. Oh contraire my cyber followers. After a recent trip to another place that I choose to remain nameless I decided to write the top 5 reasons why Colorado is not a horrible place.

1. Healthy-ish Fast Food- So who doesn’t like food? Well no one that I associate with so that’s beyond a rhetorical question. Chipotle, Tokyo Joe’s and Noodle’s and Company. All started (mostly stayed) in Colorado. Who wouldn’t want to write an extended letter of gratitude to the inventor of the magical land of Chipotle. And Colorado has these other fine, yet fast, establishments that help. Note: for you calorie counters (first off please stop) I understand that Chipotle burritos are high in the calories but the fact is all these places aren’t fried and are cooked not heated up so yah it’s good.
2. The Beautiful Nature- Ok so I am not an outdoorsy type like at all. I do like walking in the nature with people who aren’t obsessed about it. But it’s hard to deny the beauty that God put into this one area of land. It’s breathtaking sometimes. I can’t imagine anyone coming out here and saying the sites were so, so.
3. Boulder- How can one place filled with so many crazy people exist outside Venice Beach, CA? You got your rich hippies, your middle-class hippies, your high middle-class, granola eating, post-grads and their families and just the weirdest people I’ve ever meet in my life. It’s enough to inspire any starving artist with inspiration. The Flat Irons are magnificent. And this is the place where I really established a relationship with God. Boulder will forever have a very special place in my heart.
4. Night Sky- Beautiful skies. Just go to any place and you can see the stars. Go five minutes outside the city and you can see incredible sites. I stare at the sky and feel peace.
5. The Weather- This is the first thing I fell in love with in Colorado. The weather changes drastically from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. I love that it can be winter and 70 degrees outside one day and snowing the next. Best example is when my road doggs and I were out here visiting for a convention and the weather changed from 35 degrees at 8 am to 75 by 2 pm.

So Colorado, although your elitist natives and non-natives alike drive me to emo songs frequently I can’t deny the many ways I have felt grateful for you. Thank you for being a magical place to runners and LA boys alike. And although I can’t see myself settling down here, I do thank you for the memories.

To The Ancient Of Days

Psalm 130

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;

2 O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. 3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. 6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. 7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. 8 He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

I’ve wanted to write out what God has done for me for a while. I feel that tonight, a night of confusion and sorrow, is only fitting. It’s been a weird 6 and half years. I know I can’t even touch on everything that has happened in it (mostly due to the sack of time). I apologize for the stream of conscious that might come but remember this is a blog. I found God several times in my life. I want to comment on the most recent experience.

I had one of the most awful years of my life. This was due to the fact that I was so reliant on people rather then God. Somewhere between August of 2008 and June of 2009 I completely lost focus of what it truly meant to be reliant on God. What a real relationship with God was truly like. I became someone I never wanted to be. Someone I am still trying to get reed of to this day. I knew I needed a way out but I couldn’t see one. All I could see was my bitterness and need to feel whole again. I had the opportunity to go do Americorps again this summer. I prayed that God would use the time to change my heart. I was hoping that it would be like last summer, life changing. It was more than that: it was eternity changing.

I arrived in Schwenksville, PA this summer not knowing completely what to expect. I just was grateful to get out of Colorado, to have a chance to sort through the issues that had torn me inwardly. I had the privilege of being able to be apart of staff youth corps. It was awesome to be around that many men and women who were completely, despite past and current problems, trying to love God with all of their hearts. I had an amazing time and learnt a lot from the whole youth corps but I still felt bitter and continued to blame others for how I felt. I still was far away from God.

Two days after staff youth corps ended my fellow interns, other americorps members and I rode down to go serve in the great city of Baltimore. On the way down I had the amazing opportunity to talk with a great sister about her struggles through depression. Now readers I don’t exactly battle through depression but can relate to the feeling of not having control over ones emotions. She shared with me that I wasn’t alone, that there were actually several disciples that she knew of around our age who battled through similar situations. Although I hate that anyone can and does feel similar to how I feel sometimes, (lost, confused, hurt, alone, etc.) I am encouraged that they stick through it and still live a righteous life. It inspires me.

Baltimore was amazing. It was difficult but amazing. I learnt more about forgiveness and facing my fear to return to Colorado. I also saw myself and how my actions truly affect people. By this I mean there were several times last year and this summer that I would go inward and would be cold and rude to those around me. Those who were just trying to love me. I want to take this moment to truly apologize to those people. I have since made a promise to never do that again, and for the most part I have been able to keep that promise. Although this wasn’t the final lesson I needed to learn this summer I was almost complete in God again.

I spent my last week of Americorps back at camp. That was challenging. I had nothing left to give but like always God had more to give, even when I couldn’t. This was the week that set the pace for the rest of the year. Why is that? All due to two amazing prayer times. The first was simple. All I prayed about was how awesome it was that God made me into a better person that I would be without him. I know we all know that but to say that to God is just, well awesome. I told him how selfish I would be, arrogant, unloving, callous and honestly a truly heartless lonely individual. I had complete appreciation for my God. The second prayer time was the one that sealed my heart. I was sitting on the dock by the lake. I had just finished my last assignment and was officially done with Americorps. It was perhaps the most perfect of all summer days. I just prayed thank you. My whole prayer was out of gratitude for God’s unconditional love and strength. I felt that I truly had my God back. That nothing could shake me. For the most part I have been right.

It has been a difficult semester. I have still had dependency issue. I have been bitter at times and often without any grounds. But one thing has been constant, my need to not loose my God ever again. Now comes the time that motivated me to write this blog. I wanted to glorify God with the changes that have taken place in my life. Here is just a few:

• I have been able to know, for the most part, when I am thinking and not thinking rationally. This is a truly amazing for me. It allows me to defeat thoughts that seem real, oh so real, at the time and say they are not so. And, another accomplishment, I been able to think rationally.
• I have been able to make sure my motives for doing things have been to please God, not man. I am very grateful for this.
• I become anxious about many things but even through my anxiety I see hope. I see an end, a future. Many people search for this all their life. I am blessed with it now.
• I am able to fight off thoughts that use to literally control me in the past. I may not be able to completely master them, but I do fight them off.
• I don’t give into my compulsive nature 90%- 94% of the time. I still fall but this is a complete reversal in percentages from 5 months ago.
• I am not shaken so easily. I make sure that I please my God and that I stay away from things that would not please him. This has helped me with my bitterness, my compulsive nature and even with the way I deal with loneliness.
• I get to have insight in reading the Old Testament and actually look forward to reading it.
• I am learning how to be a healthy friend again.
• I am dependent on God, not man.

I am not perfect. In fact I wrote this blog because I felt that I was drifting in my gratitude for God and my reliance on him. But to see how far God has taken me over the course of the last few months makes me believe he can do anything. I don’t have to live in fear of rejection anymore because my God accepts me when I do his will. I can’t tell you how amazing it really is to have my life back, to live for God individually from others. I love my God more than anything and would do anything for him. And to honestly say that brings a warmness I cannot describe in words. I write all this to thank him for the amazing blessing that it is to be his son and servant. To him be the glory, forever and ever.